Sunday, October 10, 2010
back
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Correspondence
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Boxes
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Springtime
Saturday, March 28, 2009
It is not a secret
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Personal vs speaking up
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Pictures
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
body chemistry
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Grilled
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Walking
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Thought it all through
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Yeah, I write a library column for the local paper...
Sunday, November 16, 2008
5 1/2 months of Testosterone
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The whirl wind of october
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Black Goo and my brain
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
"I know I can be an asshole too, but I didn't come here to fight with you"
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Right this way Sir-ma'am
Right...they are doctors because they went to MEDICAL SCHOOL
Friday, August 29, 2008
Learning 2.0
Thursday, August 14, 2008
History of my world, part 2.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Interlude:
Friday, August 1, 2008
History of the world, part one.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
swirly colors
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Reality check
Friday, June 27, 2008
swing sets and smiling faces
Monday, June 23, 2008
Yup indeed
Thursday, June 19, 2008
On my own
Woke up excited. I get another shot of testosterone today. I give myself a shot of testosterone today. I go up to the main house. L & D & E are all dressed and I am thinking thats weird because it is pretty early. Ah they are taking Jethro the dog to the vet. Early appointment. He isn't well. They get in the car and go. It is 7:30 in the morning and I am alone. I wasn't prepared to be alone. Silly isn't it? I just thought the first time I go to stick a needle in my leg someone would be around – I live with a group of people for heaven sakes...why would I be alone in the early morning. I stop myself and realize it is fear in my head. I make coffee. I grab the Nintendo DS and play brain age. I realize I am stalling. I think of options. I could go to the Dr.'s office. The nurse would glad give me a shot or watch me do the shot. No, I have got to learn this. I could wait. Eventually people will be here. I could go somewhere else... I have friends, hell, I have friends who know how to give shots. No, I say to myself, I am missing the point. Why do I need other people? I am just afraid, and fear is a dumb thing, irrational. I go get the medicine, needle and alcohol pads. I drop my pants and look at my thigh. I know exactly what to do. I consider all the things that could go wrong.. really there isn't much. Hitting a vein would be the only thing, or not doing the prep on the needle right, or --- whoa there, Kieran, STOP WITH THE FEAR. Right. I tear up and decided I will not cry. I will not let fear stop me from doing what I want. Okay. I push the needle in. Actually that part isn't so bad. It is the pushing the medicine out of the syringe that bugs me. It is a thick substance and requires hard pushing of the thumb down on the plunger. The thought crosses my mind that intravenous drug users must be brave...or desperate. And people with Diabetes who use insulin, dang brave. I keep shoving on the plunger. Finished. Clean up. Realize I just gave myself a shot and get nauseous. Sit back down and realize I am okay. Fear is a tricky thing, easier to handle with friends, but conquered often alone. It is not quite 8:30.. I should eat breakfast and go to work. I am on my own and I am ok. Crap, I am crying....maybe I'll cook an egg...
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
What planet am I on?
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Go & Do
I was playing my guitar tonight and singing – pondering the change in my voice and the eventual changes of my body. In one sense, it feels like a rightness, like I am finally on the right track and in another sense there is a fear of the unknown. I mean, ok, I am not much of a singer, but it is something I do a lot of and is a definite enjoyment to me. And I am sure I will adjust, but – wow – I don't know where to sing right now. My voice slides around looking from melody to harmony and it doesn't always go where I think it is going to go. Yeah and then there is the zits... not too bad yet, especially in comparison to the pox! Meanwhile at the library, we are finishing up inventory, listening in on dysfunctional board meetings and trying to find out who might be the next boss. Koha is doing well though I think J is fed up with all the alterations. I am antsy. Weather it be a product of testosterone, or the time of the year or what have you I am not sure – I just want to GO and DO – the where and the what are an unknown. I feel like the illustration in the book 'go dog go' before they end up at the dog party where they are all driving in a line – focused – but with no goal in sight.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
We tried
Monday, June 9, 2008
2nd shot
Wow – So I meant to be blogging all the testosterone related events in my world after the first injection but I got busy and I got chicken pox. I am, I guess, one of the few people who reacts oddly to the chicken pox vaccination. Because it is a live virus vaccine, (unlike most vaccines), it is possible to actually get a mild case of pox. Glad it was a mild case! That pox stuff is for the birds! So other than red itchy spots all over my body I don't know that there are any visible changes from the testosterone happening much. I feel great (and horny - good grief, it is almost ridicules how horny I am ! ). L thinks my face is changing, but I think it was a result of my hair cut. I had my second shot (1st full dose) on Thursday. I have had a definite increase in energy and appetite. The energy is great, but with the appetite, I am a bit worried about gaining weight. Guess it is time to join a gym or some such thing. I think my voice might be changing too.
Work is doing ok. The boss is leaving and a new boss is being hired - so there are some worries (it is not like our board would ever let us have a say in the process or anything...so all we can really do is wait). I hope whoever they hire is at least somewhat computer competent.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
First shot of T
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
And work changes
Monday, May 12, 2008
Notes from the back room - an excerpt from my weekly newspaper column
I have always been a comic book reader, although now I buy them with different criteria than I did as a kid. Back then all the purchases were leisurely and spur of the moment, more likely to happen as a whim on a trip to the grocery store with my ma than as a directed effort to seek out the flimsy, stapled literary pictorial works. I didn't care about the condition of the comics I purchased. Bent, torn, wrinkled didn't matter, it was about the story. The stories got me wanting more narratives. There was something, too, in the actual moment-to-moment experience of reading comics that provided a unique delight. The visual accompanied by the structure and dialog. Yup, the sequential art and the play-by-play narrative. It fostered (and still does) my love of a well-crafted tale. A saga that even stretches out through many adventures with the same characters. When I compiled my list of the ten most influential books of my life there was one comic book on it. (The graphic novel X-men-God loves, man kills). Chris Claremont was the author back then, and I liked that comic so much I went down to the library and got his actual novels. While I liked his novel, First Flight, his comics are so much better. I think a lot of adults brush aside comics as juvenile eye-candy and fluff (and some are, of course so are some books..) But as we approach summer reading and start promoting literacy with kids and other reluctant readers, lets not forget the comic book. Now literary merit is one thing and reading just because it is fun is another, and while comics can meet both of those criteria – yes, it is true there are some comic books that have won actual literary awards – I do want to mention that reading something that is just plain fun has its place in building literacy. For a list of award winning graphic novels that the library has, just stop by the back room and ask me!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Passion Quilt Meme - You can't fly if you don't jump
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Spring?! Shit, I was just getting ready to hibernate for the winter!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
little kids are so darn cute
Monday, April 7, 2008
And another one done
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
long time gone
Thursday, February 28, 2008
hitting the big time!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I survived!!!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Vacation is over
Monday, February 18, 2008
Questions, assumptions and blank paper
Saturday, February 9, 2008
The Caucus
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
The Process
Monday, February 4, 2008
Notes from the back room
Notes from the back room: Alright, I am going to get a bit philosophical this week so hold on to your brain cells! It is Love Your Library month and I want to tell you one of the reasons I believe libraries are one of the best things since sliced bread. People, yup, not books, but people (go figure!). Now when I say people, I mean people not just as individuals, but people as a group, a community. Like our town. I chat with folks at the bank, post office, stores, and the library. I try to engage with people and learn about their ideas and about how they see the future of our town, our state, our country and our world. It helps me gain perspectives on different things. Civic engagement has many dimensions. In a year of a presidential election, this is obvious. If you don't vote, then you are abdicating your decision to the people who do vote. One person, who speaks up and votes, gets more of a say in how the future unfolds than the person who stays home. But civic engagement means more than politics and voting. It means taking actions, together, that result in a community worth living in. Sure there may be arguments. We all see things differently, and sometimes we need to discuss our differences and compromise. Everybody has their own “best way” to get things done and not everybody who disagrees with you is a “#%$&* stupid idiot” (believe it or not). And, I know in my head anyway, there is a little voice telling me not to talk about politics, money or religion with people because it is rude or something. As long as the point isn’t to start a fight, then maybe it isn’t rude, but a necessity that creates a better community. Community is about cooperation, about a process of thinking things out and doing something about our problems. And, oddly enough, I think this is where libraries come in to it. Every community has issues, questions, projects and dreams. Libraries can serve as neutral ground for meetings and as public space available to any and all. Not to mention the library is staffed with good listeners and researchers to supply necessary facts for conversations. The library also tries to have a well-balanced collection. (No, that doesn’t mean I can balance it on my head.) A well-balanced collection of books is kind of like a well-balanced meal. Not just the stuff you want to eat, but the stuff, like Lima beans, that you may detest and is Aunt Mary’s favorite. Yup, you can look stuff up at the library. You can educate yourself on topics they didn’t teach you in fifth grade. Shoot, you can even sign up to talk to others about subjects near and dear to your heart. All you have to do is participate. The library is here for you.