Thought it all through

I went to a convention last week (ALA Midwinter - for you library types). I realized as we drove up, that this was the first extended excursion I have taken without bringing 'Emergency supplies'. Emergency supplies being the stuff I could use to live on the side of the road if the car broke down. Literally. Before in my world, if ones vehicle broke down, it was quite possible that the closest podunk of a town was now home, and finding work to afford a part or mechanic was next on the list of things to do. While I have known that time in my life is gone, I still had that fear. A kinda of, "Well, you never really know" feeling has lurked in my head. But I think I am done with it. I think, on some primal level, I know I am ok. It has been a while. Similarly, related to my transition, I feel a wholeness that I don't think I ever had before. As far as physical changes go, I haven't noticed anything drastic in awhile. I think there are subtle things afoot, but nothing I can point to or measure. I am becoming more relaxed with how I look and how I am perceived. A young friend of mine pulled me aside recently to tell me I looked like a normal professional fellow. (I was wearing a tie) 'Yeah, I do', I thought, 'just a normal dude in a tie'. I feel less connected with drama - not plays, but stuff like inter-office dynamics. Oddly enough, for the first time in longer than I care think about I feel as though I could be in a relationship with someone. And I mean more than just an 'I am horny' sort of way. Heh - by changing so much about what I am I am finding who I am... kind of ironic. On the professional side of my life things are good. The board member who thinks trans folk are icky has been working with me on stuff without too many prickles. I think my wild library skills have been paying off, and that is outweighing the whole fear of trans folk thing. No job pressure there ;) But seriously I have been kicking some butt in my work world. Things are looking up.