"I know I can be an asshole too, but I didn't come here to fight with you"

I haven't been doing well this week. It is a long story full of self doubt, maybe I will blog about that some other day. This morning L - my landmate, called me an asshole - before I even had had coffee. She didn't actually say asshole, just that I was very condescending about how to do stuff on computers with her and well it was a tirade. It may or may not have been deserved. But the thing I wanted to say about it (and why I bring it up in the first place) is that normally after such an interaction I would cry while alone in my car driving to work. Today I wanted to beat on my steering wheel. I sort of got teary but what I really felt was the cathartic experience was a much more physical manifestation than what used to be my normal. A transman friend of mine said he didn't cry much any more... now I know what that feels like.