Yeah, I write a library column for the local paper...

Kieran's Notes from the back room : For those of you caught unaware of the anniversary of a major event of our times, let me let you in on the big news. It is the 20th anniversary of the release of the first “The Sandman” comic book by Neil Gaiman. Yup, indeed, a milestone. I remember it clearly. It was the cover art that attracted me, then the story knocked me to my knees. “The Sandman” had a 75 issue run – that is 6 years of continuous publication, one issue a month, one chapter at a time. It may sound like hyperbole to say that “The Sandman” changed the face of the comic book industry but, “The Sandman” became a cult success for DC Comics and attracted an audience unlike that of mainstream comics: half the readership was female, many were in their twenties, and many read no other comics at all. It was not your typical adolescent boy comic book fare. By the time the series concluded, it was outselling the titles of DC's flagship character Superman. Outselling Superman, dang. See, the thing about “The Sandman” that was really different was that it wasn't about superheros. It incorporated elements of classical and contemporary mythology, and ultimately placed its protagonist in the role of a tragic hero. But no tights and cape, no good guy vs. bad guy motif, just classic storytelling and hot illustrations. Twenty years ago, it blew me away, and still does today. I guess that is what makes it a classic. You can find many classics in our library, and you can find “The Sandman” in the graphic novel section. Come by the back room next time your in the library and tell me about your favorite classic novel. Oh, by the way, Thursday December 18th we are hosting a holiday party. Stop by between 4-6 p.m. and eat, drink and chat with the library denizen.

5 1/2 months of Testosterone

Well, this last shot of testosterone seems to have kicked in the growth of body hair. My stomach and chest have gotten hairy. I looked at some older photos of myself, comparing them to now, and I can see some changes. Yes, changes other than the junior high-esque mustache! I guess, because I see myself everyday (or because I see myself in my head - like what I think I look like rather than what I may or may not actually look like) I hadn't really paid attention to or seen the changes. I am always me as far as I am concerned! However, my face looks squarer, brow heaver, less cheek more jaw or something. I haven't really noticed any changes in my mood or temperament, but again I may be too close to notice for sure. I do seem to require more alone time than I used to, but it is hard to know. 13 shots so far - every two weeks. I am anxious to start the process of having my breasts removed. I have never had any sort of major surgery before... other than wisdom teeth removed. I would however like to stop having to bind my breasts every frigging morning! It just isn't comfortable - physically or mentally. Guess I should start saving my money up for a surgery! I was at a library conference in Denver last week. I was pleasantly surprised when I ran into a casual acquaintance who introduced me to some other folks using my new name and 'he' pronouns. I didn't even know he knew. Gossip must travel farther and wider than I guessed! I was kinda grateful. I know I need to find ways to say to people "hey i am 'he' now" in some fashion or another....it's just sort of hard. It was nice to just talk about library stuff with him and his friends rather than to have to start a conversation about me being transgender.

The whirl wind of october

I wondered to myself why I hadn't been blogging lately considering there was so much going on. Then I said "duh" because there is so so much going on. So what has been going on. Gossip about me transitioning has made the rounds around town. It has made for a few awkward moment. I have answered fairly personal questions to folks I don't know well. I have deflected some with humor. Lynn, Deb and I did have a good laugh at one woman, who never stops talking, being literally speechless after she asked me if what she had heard was true. The one board member of the library that everyone was just sure would find a way to have me fired, found out and so far nothing has happened. I am focusing on the here and now, trying not to stress at the possible actions of the small minded. I do my job well, I believe that is all that is relevant. I have realized that doing this in the eye of my rural community might require of me more openness and more competent explanations than I feel I have. This quickly kicked the librarian side of me into action. I watched a few intro to trans videos and read books aimed at allies looking for ways I could help others. I am getting back on my game. I keep the quote I read on Jennifer Finney Boylan's website, "It is impossible to hate anyone whose story you know" - H.S. Boylan in my head, while I search for a balance between my story and my personal business. I am also trying to learn not to take things personally. Boy oh boy is that hard! When I went to vote, an older woman had a really hard time reconciling my legal name with my body. She finally called a few others over to giggle with her and stare at my ID then she announced that I had a pretty funny name for a guy. I decided it was : a) time to change my name legally and b) a testament to how much I am passing. My I must admit my first reaction was fear and embarrassment. Fear that I wouldn't be allowed to vote and embarrassment having three little old ladies laughing at me. I am over it. Yeah, it is really going well overall. Most folks whether or not they understand are at least giving me the room to do what I gotta do. I appreciate that in this community. Meanwhile I face another winter in my camper. I am getting more done on my house a wall might happen before the snow flies!!