The Process

Yesterday I talked to a medical doctor about hormone replacement therapy for the first time. Big day. The doctor experience I liken to a road trip. I was packed, the car gassed up. I am ready for the open road. And instead, I hit bumper to bumper rush hour traffic going through the downtown of a large city. Yeah, SLOW. In my head I guess I was on, like step four, and the doctor was on step one. I mean, hey I have been thinking about this and dealing with this my whole life... guess other people don't know that and don't want me to rush. And I am thinking, "Rush? It took me YEARS to get here." So I am getting a referral to an endocrinologist and a therapist. It's all good, and probably smart to carefully step through every hoop between here and there, it's just sort of disappointing. I just want to be done already, not just starting. And therapy? Dang I want out of my head and in to my body. I have been in my head for years, I decided I wasn't crazy, or traumatized and now I have to let a stranger in to walk through my emotional landscape to smell the flowers and judge me . Judge me mentally ill. There's something to look forward to Gender Identity Disorder. Personally I think of it more as a birth defect. Ahh well. So begins the outward journey. Now I am off to the caucus.