Interlude:

I am bleeding again. Menstruating. It is so wrong. It feels.....I am not sure how to describe. A friend asked me recently if I missed menstruating... I must admit to never even considering missing that. I guess some women enjoy it, or somehow gather a feeling of completeness with it or from it...I can't fathom it. What is going on in my head seems weird, even to me though. I mean, well I don't remember when I started menstruating, but it probably has been a good 26 years that I have been doing this on a monthly basis and now I am utterly freaking on it. I never liked bleeding, I never could even track the dang process – period amnesia I guess you could say. I knew it would happen time and time again, but I couldn't think about it, couldn't even count 28 days forward. Now it is utterly unacceptable. It is a mentally odd feeling to consider a process happening in my very body inappropriate, like a cancer or something. I know I have been a bit moody these last few days. I thought it was the testosterone, ironically it was probably the estrogen. Or maybe I was pissy because I was pissy - regardless of the hormonal world my body occupies. Work is a fucking mess! While I was at my doctors appointment and the assistant director (no director yet) was off the library was closed. No - closing the library without even talking to the assistant director just because the computers are down is not acceptable....but docking their pay is gonna start a war. Luckily I am learning to duck and not get involved. On a brighter side one of my co-workers asked me how to pronounce my new name, which is good because even though I have the new name tag, no one around here uses the new name and they always say 'she' and 'her'. I find it hard to correct people.. I don't know.. I keep feeling that if I was passing well enough or something they wouldn't get it wrong...but I think it is less about me and more of a habit. I guess I should mention it again.